Have you ever wondered what it really means to be “laid waste” by something? It means to be devastated, ruined, wasted, crushed, and overwhelmed.  This Christmas I am absolutely laid waste at the manger by the love, mercy, grace, and tenderness of my Savior Jesus! It is so overwhelming, all I can do is cry.

  This blog is for anyone needing hope, peace, encouragement, joy or purpose and anyone struggling with addictions, self-hatred, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, or lack of purpose.

There once was a little girl who grew up in a semi-Christian home – her family was always at church, but at home it was a very abusive dysfunctional environment.  Perfectionism was demanded and nothing she ever did was enough.  She always wanted to run away or die to escape the torment, the abuse, and the feelings of being trapped.  She had only a handful of friends and none she would want to come to her home to see what her life was really like..  She lived for the day when she would graduate from high school and leave home.  Her childhood was one of hopelessness, desperation, and neediness, though she was taught to never ask for anything as she would be a “bother” to others.  As a young child, the criticism over her weight by her family was so pervasive that she began to try to destroy her body through self-injury.  She was trapped in an unbearable emotional pain with no other way to express it or find relief.  There appeared to be little hope for her, that she would ever be successful, married, or amount to anything.  One thing that was so amazing about this little girl is that God made her resilient and persistent – no matter how bad things were growing up and even into her adult life, she would never give up and never stop seeking God to heal and restore her.  The struggle with self injury and other addictions continued for 20+ years.  She never gave up.  For decades she struggled with self-injury, financial debt, neediness, depression, and brokenness.  Then 3 years ago God brought her to a land of milk and honey, or so it seemed.  It was a place where He would lead her out of the wilderness and into a land of freedom, hope. and joy unspeakable. Her life would soon change as God began to break off every chain that had held her in bondage – despair, depression, self-hatred, self-centeredness, anger, self-pity, financial bondage, addictions and hopelessness.  Because of His mercy and her willingness to forgive, Jesus has changed this young woman into the most beautiful blossoming butterfly!  Her heart is so full!  Full of gratitude, love, hope, and a heart to serve others.  He has given her a wonderful career covered by the favor of God; a body of believers who cherish her and build her up; a ministry of prayer and supporting others in life crises; financial freedom and blessing.  By the way, did I mention God named her HOPE?

This week was a culmination of many things – the discharge of a Chapter 13 bankruptcy after paying 100% of my debt over 50 months; paying off all other miscellaneous debt in full; continued favor and financial blessing in my career, and a new car.  The car is the least of these.  I am laid waste by this story and where God has brought me to today – to be a vibrant young woman full of joy, life, and a love for Jesus and serving others.  I am laid waste that He would take a child so broken and in such desperation and bring such unspeakable freedom, joy, and life to her!  I am a a mighty arrow in the hand of my God.  My only HOPE is Jesus and He is my EVERYTHING – my reason for living, my reason for joy, and the reason for this Christmas season!  God bless you and your families during this amazing Season.  May you take time to reflect on the manger and may you be laid waste by this indescribable, merciful, loving God!