Why Am I Here?

by

1

Have you ever wondered why you were born or what your purpose is on this earth? Years ago, I was talking to God one day and found these words coming out of my mouth: “God, this is Your deal! You created me! You initiated! You wouldn’t have created me if You weren’t fully able to take care of me and meet my needs. In fact, because You created me, only You know how to comfort me, satisfy me, and fill this emptiness in my heart! This is Your deal!”

Many years have passed and many trials have come and gone. Although I have not been consistent in my relationship with Him and staying close to Him, He has always remained faithful and taken care of me and provided for my every need. I am so grateful His love for me (and you) is so relentless, unwavering, unending, and knows no bounds. I am even more grateful that His love for me (and you) is not dependent on my feelings (or lack of them) or my behavior or performance. He just loves me, just the way I am!

I have always heard the verses from Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV): For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

2 years ago I had to have open heart surgery. I was born with a defective aortic valve and it had to be replaced. Needless to say, the last two years have been full of trials, challenges, and some deep depression. The verses above talk about my future, but this verse has confirmed my purpose during the darkest days when I wondered why I was here. Exodus 9:16 (NIV): But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

I was praying this morning and said to God, “not only is this Your deal, that You created me, but You wouldn’t have created me if you were not going to show me Your power and use me to proclaim Your name throughout the earth!” THAT IS MY PURPOSE!

For additional reference, Psalm 139 goes into great detail about how God created each and every one of us. May you ponder these things today and know your purpose in Him today! Blessings…

Laid Waste At the Manger, Part 2

by

Have you ever wondered what it really means to be “laid waste” by something? It means to be devastated, ruined, wasted, crushed, and overwhelmed.  This Christmas I am absolutely laid waste at the manger by the love, mercy, grace, and tenderness of my Savior Jesus! It is so overwhelming, all I can do is cry.

 This blog is for anyone needing hope, peace, encouragement, joy or purpose and anyone struggling with addictions, self-hatred, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, or lack of purpose.

This is a continuation to the blog Laid Waste At the Manger that I wrote at Christmas, 2015. Since then, this young woman has been through many trials.

  • April 2016 – purchased a home and moved
  • May 2016 – 2nd foot surgery
  • Nov 2016 – minor heart attack
  • May 2017 – total knee replacement
  • Dec. 2017 – sold house and moved to the country to a 1 story
  • May 2018 – heart defect required sudden open heart surgery and aortic valve replacement
  • July – 2019 – laid off after 8 yrs with a great company
  • May 2020 – filed bankruptcy
  • Feb. 2020 – October 2020 – very demoralizing work environment
  • 2021 – laid off from 3 jobs, 1 after another; August – God provided a wonderful permanent job!

Even through all of this, God has sustained her – with that persistence and resilience He placed within her!  So, I declare with the writer of Habakkuk (3:17-19, NIV):

17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights!

I cannot say the last 6 years have been easy, but I WILL testify to the Goodness and Faithfulness of my God! The enemy has assaulted my mind hundreds of times with thoughts of despair, loneliness, and even suicide. But I declare my mind, body, and emotions belong only to my God. For He created me for His pleasure and to demonstrate his power though me and bring hope to others. Through every trial He has equipped me to minister to others out of my own pain. He will NEVER leave me or fail me and He will never leave or fail you!

With the political climate and COVID and the stress of a new job this year, I didn’t want the holidays to come at all. But, He is worthy of my worship alone this Christmas and I will Celebrate at the manger!

hope

I am a a mighty arrow in the hand of my God.  My only HOPE is Jesus and He is my EVERYTHING – my reason for living, my reason for joy, and the reason for this Christmas season!  God bless you and your families during this amazing Season.  May you take time to reflect on the manger and may you be laid waste by this indescribable, merciful, loving God!

Do You Have a WHY Greater Than Yourself?

by

2

Doctors discovered 12 years ago that I was born with a bicuspid aortic valve that would need to be replaced at some point – probably in my 60’s or 70’s.  After having recurrent dizziness and chest pain earlier this year, my cardiologist ran multiple tests and determined that my heart was in a state of severe aortic stenosis and the valve needed to be replaced.  Within a week, he got me in to see a top cardio-thoracic surgeon.  A week later, I underwent surgery to replace the valve.  After returning home, I started having afib episodes. After multiple trips to the ER and having my heart restarted, I met with a Cardiac electrophysiologist who would later do an ablation in July to resolve the a-fib issues. I met this doctor first on July 9th and walked out of his office with a new perspective on my health. Neither the cardiologist or cardio-thoracic surgeon had ever mentioned my weight. I knew I had a weight problem but had never been successful at losing the weight and keeping it off.

When I met with the electro-physiologist, he had a serious talk with me about my weight. He explained that my sleep apnea (caused by my weight) causes afib and afib is the leading cause of stroke. He further explained that, if I didn’t lose 50-60 lbs over the next year, I would be in big trouble and could have a stroke or possibly even die. I walked out of his office with a new perspective and drastically changed the foods I was eating immediately. I gave up sugar (except what is in fruit), bread, pasta, and rice. That was July 9th of 2018. I lost 11 lbs in the first 10 days have lost a total of 40 lbs as of the end of Nov. My goal is to lose 40-50 more lbs to get to a healthy weight and to lose it by next summer so I can start kayaking again.

You see, I had undergone a gastric bypass in 2001 and lost 100 lbs by the summer of 2002 and I began kayaking and loved it. Slowly I gained 90 lbs back by 2018. Since my weight loss began on July 9th, my motivation has been to reach a specific weight and kayak again. I have been working with a wellness coach and logging my food daily since July, but I have seen things slowly creeping back into my diet, like bread, and sugar.

I came to a place yesterday where I had to be honest with myself about what was happening. I needed a RESET not only physically, but spiritually. I needed a real WHY statement to not only reach my weight loss goal, but to sustain me.   I needed a WHY greater than a number on the scale or a kayak on my car! I needed a WHY greater than myself!  I spent time praying this morning and talking with God specifically about this area. He reminded me of one of my favorite verses – Exodus 9:16 – “For I have raised you up for this very reason: that I might demonstrate My power in you and proclaim My Name in all the earth.” My WHY has to be to honor Him with my body in everything I put in my mouth; to live as long as He will have me on this earth; so that he can use me to demonstrate His power and proclaim His Name in all the earth! This is now my WHY! Before I eat anything now, I thank thank Him and say “I am eating this to honor You in my body that You might demonstrate Your power in me and that Your Name will be declared in all of the earth!”

Maybe you have a goal or will have a New Year’s Resolution in a few weeks that has tangible results similar to mine. What is your WHY that is going to motivate you beyond your physical/tangible goals? What is it that is going to not only get you to your goal, but sustain you, and satisfy you long-term? Do you have a WHY that is greater than yourself? What is it?

I wrote this blog to encourage you, too, to write down your WHY.