Category Archives: Real Life

Laid Waste At the Manger, Part 2

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Have you ever wondered what it really means to be “laid waste” by something? It means to be devastated, ruined, wasted, crushed, and overwhelmed.  This Christmas I am absolutely laid waste at the manger by the love, mercy, grace, and tenderness of my Savior Jesus! It is so overwhelming, all I can do is cry.

 This blog is for anyone needing hope, peace, encouragement, joy or purpose and anyone struggling with addictions, self-hatred, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, or lack of purpose.

This is a continuation to the blog Laid Waste At the Manger that I wrote at Christmas, 2015. Since then, this young woman has been through many trials.

  • April 2016 – purchased a home and moved
  • May 2016 – 2nd foot surgery
  • Nov 2016 – minor heart attack
  • May 2017 – total knee replacement
  • Dec. 2017 – sold house and moved to the country to a 1 story
  • May 2018 – heart defect required sudden open heart surgery and aortic valve replacement
  • July – 2019 – laid off after 8 yrs with a great company
  • May 2020 – filed bankruptcy
  • Feb. 2020 – October 2020 – very demoralizing work environment
  • 2021 – laid off from 3 jobs, 1 after another; August – God provided a wonderful permanent job!

Even through all of this, God has sustained her – with that persistence and resilience He placed within her!  So, I declare with the writer of Habakkuk (3:17-19, NIV):

17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights!

I cannot say the last 6 years have been easy, but I WILL testify to the Goodness and Faithfulness of my God! The enemy has assaulted my mind hundreds of times with thoughts of despair, loneliness, and even suicide. But I declare my mind, body, and emotions belong only to my God. For He created me for His pleasure and to demonstrate his power though me and bring hope to others. Through every trial He has equipped me to minister to others out of my own pain. He will NEVER leave me or fail me and He will never leave or fail you!

With the political climate and COVID and the stress of a new job this year, I didn’t want the holidays to come at all. But, He is worthy of my worship alone this Christmas and I will Celebrate at the manger!

hope

I am a a mighty arrow in the hand of my God.  My only HOPE is Jesus and He is my EVERYTHING – my reason for living, my reason for joy, and the reason for this Christmas season!  God bless you and your families during this amazing Season.  May you take time to reflect on the manger and may you be laid waste by this indescribable, merciful, loving God!

What Was in My Heart Was Greater Than What Was in My Boot

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I have had 3 surgeries on my left foot in the last 14 months – all 3 due to totally difference injuries.  Needless to say, I have either been in a boot or walking in pain for most of this time.  As a result of this, I have found it very difficult to stand throughout the worship in our church services.  Until this last week – what was in my heart and spirit was greater than what was in my boot!

About 2 weeks ago, I was getting my nails done and getting a pedicure.  I took a book with me to read from a book club my church is doing online via Facebook.  As I stilled myself and began to read, it was like Superman opening his shirt – I had opened my spirit to receive from God through this book.  The truths of the book began to feed my spirit and I began to weep.  I had allowed God to bring a fresh awakening to my spirit.  I filled my mind with worship music and wept off and on the rest of that day.  Then I had nightmares that night and the next day – I knew the enemy was ticked off because I had humbled and stilled myself before God – enough for Him to begin to meet me.  I began to feel ALIVE in a fresh way.  You see, I love Christian books, but rarely am able to still myself to read and learn from them.  Sometimes, reading the Bible is even harder.  I reread one of my blogs from a couple of years ago called “When the Feelings Aren’t There”, and found great encouragement in being reminded that who God is and His love for me has nothing to do with feelings or emotions or lack of them.  So, with this new fire inside of me, I have begun pursuing God regardless of my feelings.

What God is doing in my heart is greater than what is in the boot!  In other words, one superseded the other and my behavior changed – I was able to follow the longings of my heart to worship regardless of the pain in my foot or the discomfort of the boot.  The behavior change is that now I am able to stand through all of the worship in a service.

I wonder if the same principle can apply in other areas of life.  Could my desire for God supersede my desire for other things (food, watching TV, wasting time, etc.) and cause other changes in my behavior?  What if I loved God more than sugar?  What if I chose to spend time getting to know Him rather than watching TV?  What if………  What would this look like in your life?

Laid Waste At the Manger

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Have you ever wondered what it really means to be “laid waste” by something? It means to be devastated, ruined, wasted, crushed, and overwhelmed.  This Christmas I am absolutely laid waste at the manger by the love, mercy, grace, and tenderness of my Savior Jesus! It is so overwhelming, all I can do is cry.

prayer-on-my-knees4.25202212_std  This blog is for anyone needing hope, peace, encouragement, joy or purpose and anyone struggling with addictions, self-hatred, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, or lack of purpose.

There once was a little girl who grew up in a semi-Christian home – her family was always at church, but at home it was a very abusive dysfunctional environment.  Perfectionism was demanded and nothing she ever did was enough.  She always wanted to run away or die to escape the torment, the abuse, and the feelings of being trapped.  She had only a handful of friends and none she would want to come to her home to see what her life was really like..  She lived for the day when she would graduate from high school and leave home.  Her childhood was one of hopelessness, desperation, and neediness, though she was taught to never ask for anything as she would be a “bother” to others.  As a young child, the criticism over her weight by her family was so pervasive that she began to try to destroy her body through self-injury.  She was trapped in an unbearable emotional pain with no other way to express it or find relief.  There appeared to be little hope for her, that she would ever be successful, married, or amount to anything.  One thing that was so amazing about this little girl is that God made her resilient and persistent – no matter how bad things were growing up and even into her adult life, she would never give up and never stop seeking God to heal and restore her.  The struggle with self injury and other addictions continued for 20+ years.  She never gave up.  For decades she struggled with self-injury, financial debt, neediness, depression, and brokenness.  Then 3 years ago God brought her to a land of milk and honey, or so it seemed.  It was a place where He would lead her out of the wilderness and into a land of freedom, hope. and joy unspeakable. Her life would soon change as God began to break off every chain that had held her in bondage – despair, depression, self-hatred, self-centeredness, anger, self-pity, financial bondage, addictions and hopelessness.  Because of His mercy and her willingness to forgive, Jesus has changed this young woman into the most beautiful blossoming butterfly!  Her heart is so full!  Full of gratitude, love, hope, and a heart to serve others.  He has given her a wonderful career covered by the favor of God; a body of believers who cherish her and build her up; a ministry of prayer and supporting others in life crises; financial freedom and blessing.  By the way, did I mention God named her HOPE?

hopeThis week was a culmination of many things – the discharge of a Chapter 13 bankruptcy after paying 100% of my debt over 50 months; paying off all other miscellaneous debt in full; continued favor and financial blessing in my career, and a new car.  The car is the least of these.  I am laid waste by this story and where God has brought me to today – to be a vibrant young woman full of joy, life, and a love for Jesus and serving others.  I am laid waste that He would take a child so broken and in such desperation and bring such unspeakable freedom, joy, and life to her!  I am a a mighty arrow in the hand of my God.  My only HOPE is Jesus and He is my EVERYTHING – my reason for living, my reason for joy, and the reason for this Christmas season!  God bless you and your families during this amazing Season.  May you take time to reflect on the manger and may you be laid waste by this indescribable, merciful, loving God!