Category Archives: Life Application

Why Am I Here?

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Have you ever wondered why you were born or what your purpose is on this earth? Years ago, I was talking to God one day and found these words coming out of my mouth: “God, this is Your deal! You created me! You initiated! You wouldn’t have created me if You weren’t fully able to take care of me and meet my needs. In fact, because You created me, only You know how to comfort me, satisfy me, and fill this emptiness in my heart! This is Your deal!”

Many years have passed and many trials have come and gone. Although I have not been consistent in my relationship with Him and staying close to Him, He has always remained faithful and taken care of me and provided for my every need. I am so grateful His love for me (and you) is so relentless, unwavering, unending, and knows no bounds. I am even more grateful that His love for me (and you) is not dependent on my feelings (or lack of them) or my behavior or performance. He just loves me, just the way I am!

I have always heard the verses from Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV): For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

2 years ago I had to have open heart surgery. I was born with a defective aortic valve and it had to be replaced. Needless to say, the last two years have been full of trials, challenges, and some deep depression. The verses above talk about my future, but this verse has confirmed my purpose during the darkest days when I wondered why I was here. Exodus 9:16 (NIV): But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

I was praying this morning and said to God, “not only is this Your deal, that You created me, but You wouldn’t have created me if you were not going to show me Your power and use me to proclaim Your name throughout the earth!” THAT IS MY PURPOSE!

For additional reference, Psalm 139 goes into great detail about how God created each and every one of us. May you ponder these things today and know your purpose in Him today! Blessings…

Do You Have a WHY Greater Than Yourself?

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Doctors discovered 12 years ago that I was born with a bicuspid aortic valve that would need to be replaced at some point – probably in my 60’s or 70’s.  After having recurrent dizziness and chest pain earlier this year, my cardiologist ran multiple tests and determined that my heart was in a state of severe aortic stenosis and the valve needed to be replaced.  Within a week, he got me in to see a top cardio-thoracic surgeon.  A week later, I underwent surgery to replace the valve.  After returning home, I started having afib episodes. After multiple trips to the ER and having my heart restarted, I met with a Cardiac electrophysiologist who would later do an ablation in July to resolve the a-fib issues. I met this doctor first on July 9th and walked out of his office with a new perspective on my health. Neither the cardiologist or cardio-thoracic surgeon had ever mentioned my weight. I knew I had a weight problem but had never been successful at losing the weight and keeping it off.

When I met with the electro-physiologist, he had a serious talk with me about my weight. He explained that my sleep apnea (caused by my weight) causes afib and afib is the leading cause of stroke. He further explained that, if I didn’t lose 50-60 lbs over the next year, I would be in big trouble and could have a stroke or possibly even die. I walked out of his office with a new perspective and drastically changed the foods I was eating immediately. I gave up sugar (except what is in fruit), bread, pasta, and rice. That was July 9th of 2018. I lost 11 lbs in the first 10 days have lost a total of 40 lbs as of the end of Nov. My goal is to lose 40-50 more lbs to get to a healthy weight and to lose it by next summer so I can start kayaking again.

You see, I had undergone a gastric bypass in 2001 and lost 100 lbs by the summer of 2002 and I began kayaking and loved it. Slowly I gained 90 lbs back by 2018. Since my weight loss began on July 9th, my motivation has been to reach a specific weight and kayak again. I have been working with a wellness coach and logging my food daily since July, but I have seen things slowly creeping back into my diet, like bread, and sugar.

I came to a place yesterday where I had to be honest with myself about what was happening. I needed a RESET not only physically, but spiritually. I needed a real WHY statement to not only reach my weight loss goal, but to sustain me.   I needed a WHY greater than a number on the scale or a kayak on my car! I needed a WHY greater than myself!  I spent time praying this morning and talking with God specifically about this area. He reminded me of one of my favorite verses – Exodus 9:16 – “For I have raised you up for this very reason: that I might demonstrate My power in you and proclaim My Name in all the earth.” My WHY has to be to honor Him with my body in everything I put in my mouth; to live as long as He will have me on this earth; so that he can use me to demonstrate His power and proclaim His Name in all the earth! This is now my WHY! Before I eat anything now, I thank thank Him and say “I am eating this to honor You in my body that You might demonstrate Your power in me and that Your Name will be declared in all of the earth!”

Maybe you have a goal or will have a New Year’s Resolution in a few weeks that has tangible results similar to mine. What is your WHY that is going to motivate you beyond your physical/tangible goals? What is it that is going to not only get you to your goal, but sustain you, and satisfy you long-term? Do you have a WHY that is greater than yourself? What is it?

I wrote this blog to encourage you, too, to write down your WHY.

Maybe You Aren’t Feeling It This Christmas

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On holidays like Christmas, it can be so hard to look at Facebook and see one family picture after another – every family seemingly so happy and joyful being together.  It is easy to think this is all as real and happy as it appears on Facebook.  But is it really?  Is this really reality?  The truth is that it isn’t.  Facebook is not really a place where people are transparent and show their lives as they really are.  This Christmas hit me hard yesterday as I attended one of the Christmas Eve services at my church in Northern Virginia.  Up until the service, the holidays had been okay for me.  Suddenly, I found myself crying throughout the service – feeling so alone (as I went alone and sat in one of the few empty seats by myself).  It APPEARED as though everyone else was experiencing the service and Christmas with immediate and extended family members in attendance.  The enemy started sending piercing arrows my way:

  1. “You are alone, always have been, and always will be.” – Truth: I am never and will never be alone with Jesus.
  2. “You don’t belong, why are you even here in this service.”  – Truth: It is my right as God’s child to come into His Presence, join in community with His Body, and worship Him.
  3. “Look at the families everyone else has to enjoy.” – Truth: All is not as it seems.  It is a matter of perception.

The sermon was on the parable of the 2 Sons – both prodigals.  As I sat, listened, and wept, I identified mostly with the younger son.  I feel as though I have spent my time, energy, finances, and emotions on things that don’t satisfy and I feel utterly empty, an emptiness that only Jesus can fill and satisfy.  You may ask, “how can I feel this way when I am a Christian?”  The Christian life is not a perfect, happy, and joyful life day in and day out that is free of grief, loss, trial, tragedy, and struggle.  Reality still exists.  I was quickly reminded of a book a friend had recommended to me several months back called “The Prodigal God” by Timothy Keller and I have been reading it since the service yesterday.  As I was reading it this morning, I read a line about rights and was reminded of a blog I wrote 3 years ago about Gratitude and Entitlement.  Here is part of that blog:

I want to say along with David in Psalm 16:6:  “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    surely I have a delightful inheritance.” (NIV)

I have learned that I have no rights except these:
1. To be adopted as God’s child because of Jesus.
2. To cry Abba, Father.
3. To come boldly to the throne of grace anytime, any place, for any reason.
4. To worship Him with every part of me forever.

I am learning that ALL IS GIFT.  Everything I have today is a gift from God.  I came into this world with nothing and I will leave the same way some day. As I have learned about having no rights and receiving everything that happens and everything I am given as a gift from my Father, I have found great freedom.

When I live believing that I have rights to things, I end up feeling at the mercy of those things and feel despair when things don’t happen the way I think they should or things just aren’t the way I think they should be.  When I live out of a place of gratitude where all is gift, I experience true freedom and true peace. It is all a matter of attitude and perspective.

Today, what this means to me is this: I will live today out of gratitude and I will receive ALL as gift: my aloneness, my singleness, my emotions, my emptiness, my weariness from the last year, my fickle emotions, my periodic struggles with doubt and unbelief, and everything else that the enemy may present to me as a loss, or failure on the part of my Heavenly Father to care for and love me perfectly.  Each of the things I have listed I can be grateful for if I choose to.  Why choose to be grateful?  Because in every one of these areas, God is working and He will be glorified above all else!!  He created me with all of my struggles, failures, and feelings that HE MAY BE GLORIFIED ABOVE ALL!  May you realize you have no rights this Christmas and may He be glorified as you choose gratitude!!  Blessings.